Anxiety, loneliness and running
Ep 4, S2 - Why Run? podcast - 19 December 2022
Trigger warning - please note there are references to suicide in this interview.
Jane is the founder of a running club in Manchester called Mile Shy. She started the club to encourage and support people who don’t exercise to have a go at running. The club has been phenomenally successful and is constantly expanding. It now includes five running groups, six walking groups, and has won awards for innovation, best coach and best club. Jane also runs a group for people with disabilities – which includes mental health issues.
As you can tell, Jane is passionately committed to helping others to discover the benefits of running and walking. And this is because running has been such a vital part in her own mental health journey. For when Jane was younger, she experienced profound poverty, loneliness and depression. As a teenager She was homeless and lived on and off the streets for several years before being hospitalised at 18 due to mental overload and exhaustion.
Jane is diagnosed with gerneralised anxiety which, today, still impacts on many aspects of her life. Yet while it can be exhausting and stressful, its also - as you will discover - what has given her the drive and determination to achieve so much in her life.
‘At the Mile Shy Club, everyone receives a warm welcome and no one gets left behind.
Everyone gets a hug if they want one’ says Jane, ‘because there are many people who can go years without human warmth or connection’… as Jane knows too well from her own experience.
Prostate cancer…and running - Episode 3
Series 2 - Why Run? podcast - 29 October 2022
Tony started running in his mid-40s to improve his physical health and fitness…only to discover he was rather good at it. Having always been competitive, he was soon entering events and went on to complete marathons in under three and a half hours, so he was a pretty serious contender.
Five years ago though, Tony experienced sharp pain in his groin and on investigation, was told that he had terminal prostate cancer and was given two years to live. Such profound and devastating news changes life forever. Learning to live with prostate cancer…with the side effects of his treatment (which is basically chemical castration)… and finding any purpose in living….has not been easy.
With counselling and the support of his family, Tony has had to completely reshape his approach to life. Now he lives every day like it’s his last and lives life to the full. And through all this, Tony has kept running.
Tony says that when someone is diagnosed with cancer, their family’s immediate response is to wrap them up in cotton wool, but all the medical evidence is that movement is essential for physical and mental health and recovery.
To promote the importance of movement when you have a cancer diagnosis, Tony has teamed up with the MOVE charity, which supports teenagers and young people to get moving after a cancer diagnosis. Every day this year, he is running 5k to raise awareness and funds for the charity.
He is also part of the Move charity’s 5k Your Way programme. This initiative in partnership with Park Run, is held at 85 Park Runs across the UK on the last Saturday of every month.
“At 5k Your Way, people living with and beyond cancer come together and we do 5k our way,” explains Tony. “This may be walking, jogging, running, cheering or volunteering. I am the North West regional champion and have also formed my own 5k Your Way at Wilmslow Park Run.”
Tony has also completed many other fundraising challenges. One year, he ran 970 miles in a year for Prostate Cancer UK to raise awareness of the fact that 970 men die of prostate cancer in the UK every month.
Since being diagnosed, Tony has also given hundreds of talks about prostate cancer and the importance for men aged 50 and over (45 and over if you are Black or have a history of prostate cancer in your family) to ask their GP for a PSA test.
Once a winner, Tony now finishes at the back of the pack, but he says he has never felt prouder of his achievements raising awareness of prostate cancer and the importance of movement for mental health.
“I am blessed. I am one of the lucky ones,” says Tony. “I was diagnosed with prostate cancer three months before TV presenter Bill Turnball, who unfortunately died recently. It makes me realise how lucky I am, but also how I need to use that luck to do something good every day.”
Most of all, running helps Tony with his own mental health. Struggling with the side-effects of medication and his prognosis, running helps Tony to clear his mind and re-energise. “I force myself to go out (for a run) and once I get back from my 5k, it lifts the veil of fatigue and I feel rejuvenated for the next four to five hours.”
You can follow Tony on Twitter @ethansgrumps
Facebook as Anthony Collier
Instagram as tonyendurancerunner
#movewithtony
On 3 January 2023, Tony will have run a 5k every day for a year. He would love others to join him on this day and to use the hashtag #movewithtony. For more details, visit Tony’s Just Giving page here.
Meditation and running - Episode 2
Series Two - Why Run? podcast - 14th October 2022
Trigger warning - please note that there are references to suicide in this interview.
Nita, who is diagnosed with bi-polar started running about ten years ago at the age of 48. At the time, she was severely depressed and found it difficult to even summon energy to get dressed or clean her teeth. It took Nita 20 weeks to complete the nine-week Couchto5k programme, but she did it! Since then, Nita has gone on to complete many long distance events, including half-marathons, marathons and ultra-running events.
Nita had a very lonely childhood. She was a melancholy child and there was some drinking “some might call it alcoholism” by her mother. Although she didn’t realise it at the time, her childhood was mostly characterised by “a lot of space, a lot of loneliness”, says Nita.
Her mother was chaotic and was probably also bi-polar, although she was never diagnosed. “I never knew if I was going to come home to a plate of cookies or mom would be in bed or she’d be ranting and throwing things. It was very unpredictable.” Nita’s father was much more ordered, but left her with a feeling that she was never living up to expectations.
Nita ran in her early 20s to lose weight – sprinting – not distant running or anything enjoyable.
Nita went on to become a successful lawyer and became a partner of a law firm in her 30s. She had “all the trappings of a successful life” but “was pretty miserable” and wasn’t getting treatment for her mental health. One day at work, she saw from her office window on a Tuesday afternoon “a guy pull a kite from the trunk of his car. He proceeded to fly it. And I still cannot tell you why that broke something in me, but it created a sense of longing that I could not get rid of. I knew I needed that freedom, that joy, that happiness that he had.”
Nita then left work and spiralled downward and became suicidal. Fortunately she accessed support and went in to hospital. Then she was part of a long-term treatment plan followed by a community group for the next year. “It was as if I’d broken so badly that I needed support, because the pieces had sprung out and would not go back together.”
Now the “running keeps me alive and gives me the energy to strive in so many ways, but I’m not cured.
“The people I know who struggle most are those who have not had the help or do not have the ability to build themselves a tool-kit,” says Nita. For her today, the three main tools in her toolkit are: running, writing and meditation. In addition medication and therapy are essential elements.
At 48, after another difficult episode, Nita saw that a high school friend on Facebook had taken up running and was doing the Couchto5k plan. “The fact that she was a similar age and a similar size – I only say that because I always thought of running as really skinny people – made me decide to give it a go.”
Being able to do something, that Nita had set herself – jogging for 60 seconds – felt dramatic. “I felt really good, as at that point I wasn’t able to complete anything in my life.” Over time, Nita learnt that breaking a sweat was key to helping her anxiety.
Today, Nita practises meditation “bringing your mind to where your body is” when she runs and this week, she has published her second book Make Every Move A Meditation - Mindful Movement for Mental Health, Well-Being and Insight (2022). The book brings together Nita's running, writing and meditation practices. For too long, she says there’s been a focus upon the need to take time out to meditate, whereas in reality, meditation on the move really does make sense. Particularly when it is applied to daily activities and fitness – including running.
Impermenance is a big part of meditation. Nita focuses upon rustling leaves or the breeze on her face or the temperature. “You can focus on any of your body sensations – your senses. “I choose one of those senses, then I choose for how long I’m going to do it.”
Nita has practised meditation historically and doing walking meditation in retreats. “It’s all about staying in the moment while you’re moving. When I started running, I just did it, because I was used to doing it.”
Nita applies the techniques particularly when doing ultra events, but the principle can be applied to any distance. Nita also has mantras like ‘run fast, run free’.
“The open curious mind set is also important and isn’t talked about so much.”
Nita Sweeney's first book is Depression Hates a Moving Target: How Running With My Dog Brought Me Back From the Brink (2019).
Facebook @nitasweeneyauthor Instagram @nitasweeney
Self-worth and running
Series 2 - Why Run? podcast - 23 September 2022
Today, Shakil coaches and teaches disadvantaged children in south London. He is a crew runner for Adidas Runners, helping others into the sport and has taken part in running events across Europe. He has also been a volunteer at major sporting events like the Women’s Euros this year.
For years though, Shakil struggled with self-confidence and self-worth due to criticism. Shakil always loved sport. Throughout his childhood – and into his 20s – football was his number one love. “All I knew was kicking a ball!”
Shakil’s parents however wanted him to become a doctor. They also insisted he learnt Arabic and attended the mosque regularly.“It was hard. Arabic was the second thing after school. You come home from school, have something to eat, and then go to the mosque from 5 to 7pm.”
Nevertheless, Shakil was part of the secondary school football team from Year 7 to 11. After leaving school though, he faced constant rejection by the football team he played for. Despite being in the squad, he was never selected to play in matches, which led to feelings of rejection and anxiety.“I was always the last one picked. It was borderline bullying. They always picked their friends. I just wanted one thing – opportunity – and I didn’t get that. I kept thinking “what have I done?…should I move on to another team… but I wanted to play for my community team.”
In 2015, Shakil’s friend invited him to enter the draw for an event launching Adidas Boost trainers. Shakil won a place – out of thousands – and ended up taking part in an amazing late-night mystery tour event across London which started at a secret location and ended at The Oval cricket ground. “It was crazy, one of the best nights of my life, and that sort of changed my life forever, said Shakil. “When I woke up in the morning, the messages I had on my phone, just blew me away. It felt like I’d won a trophy in football. It was a wish come true. Before that I thought running was boring.”
That was six years ago and today Shakil is a Crew Runner for Adidas Runners, encouraging and supporting other runners. He also now runs in international events for Adidas’ global team across Europe – including Berlin, the Athens Marathon and a race in Bosnia. “The difference between the football community and the running community is like the difference between night and day.”
Shakil loves helping people and also works as a PE primary school teacher in Southwark, south London supporting disadvantaged children and refugees, including Ukraine and Afghanistan. Many of the families he works with are incredibly poor living in temporary accommodation. Some of the children misbehave to attract attention when they struggle in school. Shakil says that sport helps them to express themselves as it is an international language. It gives the children the opportunity to share something positive together. Running is a particularly good sport for them as it doesn’t cost anything other than the price of a pair of trainers. “So many sport clubs cost money. It’s hard for children – particularly at the moment with the cost of living crisis,” explains Shakil.“Running is such an amazing sport, as any child can do it and all you need is space.”
Shakil has faced criticism – particularly on social media – for pursuing his passions. “Negative comments stay in your mind. My advice is to say ignore the comments, but it’s not easy. It’s made me nervous about posting pictures of me having a good time. Recently I faced criticism for being a volunteer at the Women’s Euros , but it was an amazing event.”
Shakil says equality is all about opportunity. He says that many people in the Asian community don’t volunteer – because they get nervous. They don’t feel that they can ‘integrate with the people’.
“You feel like you’re not part of it and worry that people will not accept you for who you are,” says Shakil. “But the thing is, I’ve met some incredible people through volunteering and have benefited myself so much. I’ve had a great time. What I say to people is ignore the negative and focus on what’s best for you.”
Breakdown and running - Episode 8
Karen is a secondary school English and performing arts teacher. She is one of the brightest, funniest people you could hope to meet and her next plan in life is to have a go at stand-up comedy. In-between Karen’s extended periods of highs in her life, she has also experienced some very low lows. For Karen has struggled with depression and anxiety throughout her adult life and has had several breakdowns.
Karen started running as a teenager and has run consistently for the last 40 years. For her, it is a way of helping process the anxiety, the anger and frustration that are part of her mental struggles. It quite literally helps her to burn away the excess adrenalin that contributes to her anxiety.
Karen’s life is one of extreme emotions and she says she wouldn’t want it any different – for if she lost the low moments of despair, she would also lose the high moments of joy too.
Series One - Why Run? podcast - 14th May 2022
Trigger warning - please note that there are references to suicide in this interview.
Karen is a secondary school English and performing arts teacher. She is one of the brightest, funniest people you could hope to meet and her next plan in life is to have a go at stand-up comedy. In-between Karen’s extended periods of highs in her life, she has also experienced some very low lows. For Karen has struggled with depression and anxiety throughout her adult life and has had several breakdowns.
Karen started running as a teenager and has run consistently for the last 40 years. For her, it is a way of helping process the anxiety, the anger and frustration that are part of her mental struggles. It quite literally helps her to burn away the excess adrenalin that contributes to her anxiety.
Karen’s life is one of extreme emotions and she says she wouldn’t want it any different – for if she lost the low moments of despair, she would also lose the high moments of joy too.
“ I was a worrier as a child,” says Karen. “Being an only child, I had a lot of older, doting relatives. I grew up in very protective environment. As a five year old, my friend remembers me always crying.”
Karen knew she was a worrier. And events reached a head, when went to uni and met Sohrab (her husband).
“We were going out and he went home to Iran in 1979 which was, of course, the time of the revolution. Pre-mobile phones, I realise now that I had what was a sort of breakdown. I was worried sick. Obsessed that he was killed. It was typical of depression and a breakdown, getting everything out of proportion…making ridiculous assumptions. Things settled down though when I went to university.
“My second breakdown was when I had my son. It was such a happy pregnancy, he was such a wanted child. And when he was born, it was classic post -natal depression. It was like the whole world fell in. That ticked away until he was about 18 months and then I just crashed and I was sectioned. So spent about four weeks in psychiatric units.”
Karen was sectioned and spent time in hospital and has been on anti-depressants ever since. “Quite a high dosage actually. So I feel that they’re probably always shielding what’s actually going on. I don’t really know, but I don’t really care as I know I can’t function when I’m ill.”
Karen started running in her teens. She was a county athlete. She started running again in her early 20s and has kept running ever since. Going for a run “resets everything” for Karen.
“Even if when I set off, I feel I’ve got worries or am in a low mood, which still happens, even on all these anti-depressants…once I’ve set off running, I very rarely think of that again.”
A psychiatrist once described it to Karen as “fight or flight”. “He said that what was happening to me when I’d wake up so anxious was that I was waking up with a gripping fear – without knowing what I was frightened of.”
By going for a run, Karen quite literally runs away from her fear and it helps burn off the adrenaline that is causing her anxiety.
Karen can be quite an angry runner and she’s been known to swear at people. “ I think I enjoy that,” she says.
When asked to describe her mental difficulties, she says that when she’s very, very, very ill, she can’t run, because she gets too anxious and quite agoraphobic. “But that’s not happened very much.”
Karen says she finds it incredibly difficult to describe her depression, anxiety and breakdowns. She said that she’s read Sylvia Plath’s “The Bell Jar” and she gets what she’s trying to say, but she still doesn’t think she’s quite got it. “Although I also say to people that everybody’s breakdown is different and everybody’s depression is different.
“I obsess about death and I find myself thinking about death several times a day – the fear of my own death or my children. I count off how many years I’ve got left and it’s a constant obsession and definitely something that pulls me down. It is a constant worry in the back of my mind.
“You can’t switch off. It’s like a physical feeling.”
As she’s got older, Karen says that she’s got better at getting herself out of bad episodes. “I’ve made my bedroom in to a second sitting room and it’s got a television and if things are getting to me, I just take myself away and sit by myself.”
Karen also indulges herself more. “I grew up in an environment where it was almost a bad thing to enjoy yourself or do something for yourself. My mum was like ‘you’re always going out’ like it was something bad. My mother didn’t understand mental illness at all – poor woman – with me and my dad – and she was obsessed with doing housework. So the idea that you’d sit and read or book or something – was an indulgence.
“Well now I’m trying to turn that around and think actually, why can’t I just indulge myself whenever I want?”
Karen says that she wouldn’t want to be anyone different as her tendencies to depression and anxiety are partly what define her. She says it’s part of what makes a very competitive, loud person. When she retires, Karen wants to do a stand-up act. “It’s something that’s really important to me. I like being on stage. I’m a performing arts teacher. I like acting. I’m really loud. And I don’t think I’d have all of that, if I didn’t have this other side to me. It would be a bit bland.”
Karen says that running has been a stabilising influence in her life and would encourage others to give it a go. “Interestingly my psychiatrist runs. And he would almost prescribe it. It’s just so important to keep moving…even if you’re not running…to keep walking…getting out. And I did feel in lockdown on those days when I was just sitting on screen for hours on end and I’d feel like a lethargic slug by the end of the day. Because you’d be stuck in this position .
“I think people are designed to move. Our lifestyle isn’t really normal for any animal – unless you’re a sloth – it’s not what we’re designed for. So I suspect running is a way of replacing that movement that we used to have in our lives.”